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A little old lady answered a knock at the door to be met by a vacuum cleaner salesman.
Fuck off- she says.
Next thing- he tips a bucket of horse shit on her hallway carpet and says- if this vacuum cleaner doesn't remove all traces of this horse shit madam- I will eat the remainder!
Well, she says, I hope you're fucking hungry because the electricity was cut of this morning!
************
A redneck stops for a drink at a biker bar. The first thing he noticed was a HUGE jar cram packed with 10, 20 and 50 dollar bills. There must've been thousands of dollars in there!
Ofcourse, the guy asks the barkeeper:
'Hey man, what is this money for?'
'Oh, I guess you aren't from around here. We are famous for holding a competition that costs $20 to enter, and if you win, you take all the money home.'
Out of curiosity, the guy asks for more info.
The Barkeeper broke into a grin:
'Well, its a contest to complete 3 tasks. First, you gotta drink a whole bottle of our strongest Pepper Tequila without pulling a face of any kind.
Second, out back is an old mean bulldog who was a local dog-fighting champion, a real big mean brute. He has a tooth-ache, and your second job is to find, and remove this tooth with your bare hands.
Last, up in the attic, is my great grand-mother. She is over 100 years old, and hasn't had a orgasm for over 30 years. Your last task, is to satisfy her.
Immediatley the guy refuses and says 'NO WAY'...
But surely enough, after a night of boozing, he gets drunk and stupid enough to give it a go.
'What the hell' he said 'Heres $20...
Immediatley the barkeep rings the bell, and a crowd gathers.
A bottle of the strongest pepper tequila is handed to the man, who, despite tears running down both cheeks, keeps a stony face and downs the whole bottle.
Next, the man rolls up his sleeves, and goes through the back door to the Bulldog pen. The bar is deathly quiet as they hear barking, deathly screams, growling, yelps, horrible yells and then finally after 10 minutes of obscene racket, a long, high pitched whine.
The whole bar, convinced the man is now dead, bow their heads and take off their hats.
But suddenly, the man bursts through the door triumphantly, hiccups, and says:
..'Now... Wheres the old lady with the toothache?'
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