Two jews made a bet about which of them could make a dollar stretch furthest. They agreed to meet a few days later to see who won.
The first guy bought a cigar, and smoked one-third the first day and saved the ashes. He smoked another third the second day and saved the ashes. He smoked the last third the third day and again saved the ashes. On the fourth day he gave the ashes to his wife to use as fertilizer on her roses. He told the other guy, "I know you can't beat that for stretching a dollar."
The other jew said, "I got you beat. I bought a Polish sausage for a dollar, and the first day I ate one-half, and on the second day I ate the other half. The third day I used the skin for a condom, and the fourth day I took a crap in the skin and sewed it back up. The fifth day I took it back to the butcher and told him it smelled like crap. He agreed with me and gave me my dollar back."